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Existentialism-- Just a bloody good excuse to go riding...

Friday, October 31, 2014

Bike Pics

A friend's question on FB just triggered this lunch hour post today... "Asian version of Bike of the Week?" Like an allergic reaction with no anti-histamine to alleviate it got me scratching furiously at the keyboard.

Who doesn't like bling bling bike pics huh.. Sure, but we need to first imagine some mountain  backdrop. Otherwise they might just set up a booth to charge for taking pictures at the few usual spots on our limited trails. 

Of course most people are excited about their bikes and builds. Who isn't? Especially for people who know their bikes, it's not a matter of just how expensive the parts are or how well the color matches up. It is living within the smugness of a shot that actually will expose how much functional coordination and useful customization has been "built" into the final outcome. Trick out as some may call it to reach that holy grail of the "Ultimate Bike".

All of these are being noticed by intelligent sounding, yet not so clear comments or remarks from "Those All Knowing Ones". Far often leaving a lot of bewildered noobs and less-bike-focus people (aka people with a life) confused between comments and esoteric acronyms.. eg. "Nice, that's a cool ti bullet joint.. haven't seen them done like that since Sandvik days on the HH eh."

So out of curiosity you double click on the pic, magnify and scrutinize every single bit to look for something that looks like a bullet. Found it! Right at the dropout tab where the chain stay welds on... Nothing really impressive really. You start scratching and wondering what the fuss is all about... 

As for what's The Ultimate Bike- everyone has one in their own little idiosyncratic notions of what it should be. Me included of course, except there is certainly a need to pluralize the word "Bike".

When ideas strike and re-builds  are finally out for a ride....the ideas that birth each build and the vivid mental image at one particular timeless moment captures it all...(top) Of animes and bikes, melting of different interest.
(bottom left) Blubber Erotica. (bottom right) No build is ever complete without e a cuppa brewed.... to appreciate when the final signature crimping is done on the cable ends /||| 

Let's face it, we are all bike snobs, one way or another. Some pursue the Art of the Most Expensive Parts build for not knowing any better. Others weave their magic with aesthetics and matching colors. Sometimes these will even giggle if you stealthily paint a daisy on their fork. But one of the most common  is the Clan of the Zero Gram Bike aka weight weenies.   A small elite group however indulge in the "Incomprehensible Sacred Art of Bike Building That Plebian Bikers Will Never Understand" deep within the catacomb of their own secret closed group forums or FB pages...

More often it is a combination of these as most is steeped insufficiently in each area while being distracted and confused by the growing bewildering array of "new" things in the biking world each day. Yes u are right...  27.5/ 650B is so yesterday's topic. So is Fatbikes- -same old boring 4" or 5" questions each day. People are moving into niche "Plus" categories now.. Laugh all you want and try telling me I'm just trying to slice between proscuito.... Laugh like all those who sneered when I first rolled a fat bike years ago and say it will never make it big in the biking world. For the love of the Patron Saint of Deformed Spokes-- I do pray it doesn't catches on so soon.. it's fast running out of ideas for unique builds these days  :)

Of course in the social context we would never say nasty things to one another... but instead goes "Wow that desert camo cable housing is really tricked" or "I bet that Di2 shifting for offroad must be rad.. Oh sick sick stuff man" followed by all those approving shoulder patting..... but deep inside... "Bah those cables are way too long... not even crossing directly in front of the head tube. Crappy finishing" and "yea right wait till u shift and the battery decide to quit... nothing beats the simplicity of SS on an arrow straight perfect chainline..."

But but do not want to anger the God of Bike Building... because if you do and pay a fraction of attention less than you should or Heaven forbid, skim on not getting that uber-die-die must have super tire... May the Archangels of Shame be kind and their lenses be blurred on those fateful days...  Obviously not in my case.

"Hey there's nothing to say biking can't be mixed with a healthy dose of machismo eh! Yea sprinkle in a generous dollop of parmesan and oregano too Mr Bike Stud..."

Those hard as you try to avoid snigger... the ones you translated from hearing somebody asking "Hey dude you Ok..can you move? Anything broken?" Voices of genuine concern,. Yet, all your auditory nerves is translating to the cognitive process of the brain is "Sh!t they must really be laughing their ass off now..  Fu@$#$%#k Damn.."

To salvage the situation, we'll sit there nursing the dripping mass of hanging tissues yet the mind is  actively rummaging intact grey matter that survived earlier concussion for a tag line to massage the even more seriously injured ego. Often resulting in self deluding dumb lines like "We bike, we fall but ride we shall some more.

Utterly corny at times but neurotransmitter works in strange ways.. Then you go home and post up yet again another nice little picture of your bike for friends to see and more strangers to comment... It's all part of the healing process. Yes, close your eyes-- soak in the spiritual energy of internet commentary healing. Breathe.

Which leads me to this final paragraph.... maybe it still boils down to really crappy riding skills...
Plus , if you have taken out each and every bike to re-build over the last 1-2 years, as in complete bottomless-money pit endeavors so long as the left fender strut shine with exactly the same lustre as the one on the right...

...maybe its cheaper to plan for the next biking holiday instead.

Time to surf where to go next...

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