Dear Pussy Off-Roaders
SHIFT your body weight to clear an obstacle. Not SHIFT the obstacles and sit your ass on the saddle to breeze through.
Otherwise please stick to these. You are free to run through any plethora of dare devil off road riding skills in the mind while pedaling in these smooth tarmac haven.
Kindly leave whatever little rooty, rock strewn trails left with fallen trees to those of us who actually choose to ride some real offroad terrain.
I recently witnessed a group of your pussy brothers shifting away what some of us would consider no more than pebbles. To avoid putting a foot down in this picnic-like atmosphere smacked in the middle of the trail, I lofted off an adjacent root in a stupid move on my overweight bike. In the process have totally missed the said pebbles.
The wind must be blowing in the right direction cos I caught a line "those rocks are too slippery, its unrideable..." with an accompanying foul stench of pussiness in the air as I passed this little "safety council" doing trail work without a bloody clue.
I pedaled as fast as I could to get away from this overpowering stench and glittering array of ultra bling bikes. All with 6" of travel or more front and back, rocking titanium coils on RC4s with uber expensive frames no less, only to roll my eyes in aghast just moments later.
My little sacred saga sapling, one so rare nowadays that I spotted growing, was HACKED away. I always stopped by this spot to take a look at its growth and marvel at the thoughts that one day it would be a big fine tree, dropping all its ruby red seeds that will beautify the forest floor.
Why Why Why
...and then I spotted the reason behind such inconceivable inconsiderateness. Just below the part before it was hacked off...it was chipped. Putting my bar to it, no doubt that it was a victim before its beheading to our savage marauding ever longer handlebars. I can imagine after getting caught and thrown over the bar, one of your pussy brothers, feeling indignant, must have pulled out his weeny Swiss knife and hack poor little Saga down in his broiling fury.
We chose to ride
We chose to use ridiculously proportioned components but without the needed Lambada skills to negotiate our way through.
We will hurt these silent forest guardians but they will survive. Not if u behead and deny them a fighting chance though.
Our Trails exist because of these guradians. Otherwise any man made trail is just another Teletubbie Hill
Yes we all want uninteerupted flow in the trails but please don't watch too much MTB vids. Let's get real.